We all have to admit that we’re really hard on ourselves a lot of times. I know I am! I am always trying to make sure everything is going the right way, schedules are being followed, and plans are falling through. Then, when one little thing screws it all up, it’s so hard for me to get over it. Especially, when it comes to parenting. I mostly post happy and smiling pictures of me and my family, but that doesn’t mean we’re happy and smiling all day and every day. There are some days where it’s just not a good day, or some parts of the day is just darn crappy. Sometimes we’ll have a nice day going to a park or a museum, but just one little kink can throw off my son’s mood and here comes the TANTRUMS!
Not every day is a bad day, or a stressful one. My days and nights with Nathan are 90% positive and happy while 10% can sometimes be kind of stressful due to my own personal stress or Nathan’s tantrum attack. When I became a Stay-at-Home mom, I set high standards for myself and for Nathan. Now that I was going to be home 100% of the time, I expected drastic changes in Nathan’s development and behavior. Especially in his speech. However, we are still working on it, and it’s still progressing. I would make posters, flashcards, read books, and continue to keep vocalizing everything I’m doing or feeling so that he can do the same. I would take him to some mommy-and-me classes, and I would see other children near his age talking more, and it would get to me because I wonder how come my child isn’t doing the same? Then I start blaming myself. I would see his cousins and our friends’ children around his age eating very well, while Nathan can be a picky eater. Then I start criticizing myself again. All of that made feel like I wasn’t doing my job correctly and it really put me down. When I was working or going to school, I was always accomplishing tasks the perfectly, how come it wasn’t the same at home? It really stressed me out and made me feel like a bad parent.
However, there is no such thing as a bad parent when you’re doing everything that you can with all that you can. The more I stressed myself, the more things were not getting better. Therefore, I needed a different outlook in life and in parenting. I wanted to be a HAPPY & POSITIVE mom, not one that criticizes myself for everything.
So, I made changes and reminded myself this:
1) STOP comparing yourself and your children to others. STOP comparing your family to another. It is a very bad habit. Once I stopped this, I started to focus more on my strengths as a mother, and a lot of Nathan’s strengths.Nathan has a LOT of them! Also, not every child is the same, even if their ages are. One child can be good at one thing, while the other is good at another. Not every mother or father is the same, as well. I used to feel bad about myself because I didn’t have “the body” like other post-partum moms! But, that could only be changed if I do something about it, and work on it myself.
I love this quote! It’s true, if we keep comparing ourselves to others we will never be able to focus on the happiness that surrounds us.
2) PRAISE & THANK! Praise your God, praise Jesus, praise your spouse, praise those who help you, praise your children, praise even the material things that help you get through the day. Also, praise yourself! It’s so important to praise yourself for all the hard work that you do. Moms do it all! Dads too! Praise yourself, and thank the Lord for giving you the opportunity to be a parent. There are plenty who would love to be in your shoes. At the end of the day, write something positive that happened that day. Big or small! It can be something like you got your child to eat vegetables, or your child pee’d in the potty for the first time! If you really can’t find anything positive to jot down, write down something you are thankful for! Lastly, keep praising your spouse! They are trying just as hard as you are, at home and at work!
3) DO NOT live in REGRET! Stop thinking or saying things such as…”If things were this way..” or “If this did not happen…” or “If only this happened…” because we are in the NOW. Be happy and enjoy what you have and who you have. It really is all for a reason, and maybe you haven’t found your reason, but you will. Before I had my son, I thought life is supposed to be just in one direction. I thought you’re supposed to “finish college, start your career, travel,get married, buy a home, then have kids” NOPE! Not at all, and I’ve only accomplished half of that, but in a different sequence. Now that I am a mother, I feel like there are other directions and other routes. It may not be easy to direct yourself to the right route because of difficult circumstances, but being patient with yourself will help you get through it. Motherhood did not end my life, it has only begun.
4) DO NOT LOSE YOURSELF in motherhood. Remember your goals and what you love to do. Sure it may be put into hiatus for a little while, but do not forget your goals or lose sight of your passion or dreams. Where there is a will there is a way! Keep striving, and finding windows and doors of opportunities. Sometimes it’s hard to map out our goals because we feel as if there’s just no way to achieve them. Write them down and under each goal, bullet point ways you can achieve them with the situation you are in. Find time for yourself and your partner. Jazz things up, and keep the sparks alive. Most importantly, give yourself your “me time”. For tips on what you can do for “me time” check out my old post here. Also, keep up with your appearance. Even as a stay-at-home mom, I just want to lounge around in sweatpants or pajamas all day. But, when I actually put in time to look good, it really does make me feel good, and it really spices things up with your partner more!
5) There is no such thing as “Perfect Day”. I know we want to tackle everything in one day: cleaning, cooking, running errands, teaching your children new things, making sure nap time and meals time are on schedule, taking the kids to the park, and keeping your spouse happy, but not everything can be done all at once! Not everything can be under your control and sometimes you just have to let a lot of things go, even if you have a little OCD like me. The mess at home, the picky eater, unnecessary arguments with your spouse, and even the tantrums. Handle it all the best of your ability, but if there’s nothing more you can do, just count to 10, inhale and exhale, then just let it go. As long as it’s not inflicting on anyone at least!
6) Lastly, find laughter in everyday! Our little ones really do grow up so fast and all we can do is just have fun and just make memories! My favorite time is always family time. Robert works all day all week, and the weekends is all we really have together. Whether we’re at home or we’re out and about we do our best to have fun no matter what! These moments don’t last forever!
I love this article by Finding Joy called “10 Things Happy Moms Don’t Do” Check it out for more ways to be a happy and positive parent, or just an optimistic person over all!
Thank you for stopping by and reading this post. I really took a lot of time and effort making sure I can help and empower other moms and dads out there. What really helps me is a lot of empowerment from people who are going through the same stuff as I am. I hope you can find me as your social network bestie! Haha. Parenting and motherhood is so hard work! Leave me a comment or e-mail me if you have any questions or if you can relate to any of the things I have mentioned!
Happy Hump Day!
Til Next Time,
The Memoirs of a mommy 