Hellooo to all! I am continuing my Patient Parenting series, and we are now on part 2. In part 1: Giving Yourself Timeout, I covered taking a moment to yourself before handling the stressful situation. This will give you a moment to collect yourself, and remember what you want to say.
This post is about how we are going to avoid a harsh or yelling tone. It’ can be absolutely difficult not to yell, or raise your voice when disciplining our children. Especially, when you have tried telling them to stop doing something numerous times, and they are still doing it. I know I am guilty of raising my tone, and it’s exhausting. If I yell at my son for doing something wrong, I am just displaying an image that it’s alright to do the same. Also, I am not relaying my message, I am just having my voice heard.
Right now,at the age of 2, my son cannot verbally express everything he is feeling, especially when he is upset. So, yelling or screaming is part of how he expresses his emotions. It drives me nuts sometimes, but if I continue to yell back he will keep continuing to do the same.
Therefore, even when our children’s behavior is unacceptable and you just want to pull your hair out from frustration. Pause, give yourself timeout, then return to your child when they are also done with their timeout and have stopped crying or whining. Kneel down, or sit down next to them to be at eye level. This will display that you respect them. Ask them for their eyes, and calmly relay your message.
For young toddlers, try communicating how they feel too. If your child was mad or upset because a toy was taken away or he was not sharing, try saying “Nathan is mad because choo choo train went bye-bye? Yes, Nathan is mad, but noooo it’s Daniel’s turn now. When Daniel is done playing, it is your turn next. We share!”
I know that example sounds very child like, and baby talk. But, what I have read from the book “The Happiest Toddler on the Block” by Harvey Karp, MD is that toddler’s brains are still immature. We have to build their brain and their vocabulary. Thus, we have to use simple short words, so that they can comprehend and acquire it. Try to narrate what you believe your child is feeling or thinking so they can say to themselves, “oh yes, mommy. I am MAD” or “I am SAD”, or “I am HUNGRY”. It can sound repetitive when doing this, but it will calm them down because they now think you know what they are feeling.
So the next time children behave inappropriately, or throwing the biggest tantrum, let’s remember to figure out why they are behaving that way. So that we can exclaim their feelings, and let them know that they are being “heard”, so in return they can hear how we feel, as well.
I hope this post is helpful to many of you parents. Especially first time parents! Let me know what you do to avoid yelling! Comment below what your discipling methods are. I’d love to hear! If you have any questions, let me know!
Have a beautiful day!
4 thoughts on “Patient Parenting: Avoiding Harsh or Yelling Tone (2/5)”
Great Post Danica! I am very fortunate because I have changed over the years since my oldest children were little . I did everything when they were small not to yell when I was angry or upset. But, with my little boy now I never find myself feeling the way I use too. My parenting has changed with my little one.When he would throw tantrums I would walk away and when he calmed down I would sit my him and rub his back talking to him. I also used a lot of humor with my little one to change his moods. When he threw fits in stores or where ever we would happen to be at the moment of his fit , I take would calmly pick him up and leave. I also gave him a special safe place with pillows to throw his tantrums away from everyone at home !
Thank you Kim! Seems like it will just take time for me. Thank you for stopping by. I was about to reply to your comment on my curry post, but I accidentally deleted it! I'm sorry!
Danica, I love the way you put this. I grew up with a family that constantly yells.. Especially when upset, yelling is there way of “getting it out there', and that not always is helpful. I learned from them, to not yell, but there are times when I catch myself yelling at my dogs per say, and then I look at Sophia and she's looking at me, and I just know she's learning these mad ways already.. Thank you for the reminder that speaking softly is the way to go.
So true, yelling doesn't solve anything. Children learn by example…