Redefining Myself Through Motherhood

Aah the joys of motherhood! Seeing your toothless bundle of joy grinning at you, the warm tender cuddles, the sweet sloppy kisses on the cheek, the milestones they achieve, and the unconditional love you receive. Motherhood is simply wonderful. Challenging? Yes. Is it tough? Yes. Sure, there’s some days I want to pull my hair out, or cry inside the closet. There are also days I feel as if I’m not fit to be a mother. Though overall, I would never reverse time. I really do, without a doubt, love it. And hearing my son say “MAH-MEE” is really one of the best feelings on Earth. 
Before I became a mom, I had all these rules and expectations of how I was going to parent, and what type of mother I wanted to be. It’s crazy how almost 75% of those guidelines were almost never followed. Attempted, but never fully followed. 
One of them was: I will not let having children “define” me. Meaning, just because I have a baby doesn’t mean I won’t have a life outside of being a mother or “lose” myself into motherhood. WRONG. The moment I became a mother, that was when I finally knew who I was. Holding the title of a public health officer or a health educator are my career goals. However, I feel as if it was a calling to be a mother. To tell you quite honestly, I never thought or knew that becoming a mother is who I am destined to be. Robert and I  didn’t plan on having a baby just yet since we still had more to finish for our careers. But when the unexpected happened, we knew that it was God’s will. God had intended for this happen and it was part of His plan. That is why we named our son “Nathaniel”, it means “Gift from God”. 
As I sit here writing this post, I am probably missing out on Girl’s Night Out and I can guarantee I have missed plenty more. However, I am not missing out on Nathan’s one hundredth performance on the song “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes” and “Wheels on the Bus”. To be frank, I still wouldn’t mind hearing it 20 more times. Even though there are days I feel as if I need an escape from the chaos parenting can sometimes bring, I know where my heart lies. And it’s with my family. 
In my opinion, motherhood has molded me to become a better person, so that I can be a role model for Nathan and our future children. It has often times tested my patience to it’s limit, but it has created more room for patience to be learned. It has brought out a lot of love and affection that is different from romance that I have never felt and knew of. It has also brought out the best of me in ways that can only be expressed through kindness and unselfishness. At times, motherhood can be lonely, but it has also shown me who my genuinely true friends are. As well as, the family members I can truly rely on. Motherhood has not weighed me down, or make me feel “old”. Instead it has uplifted me to create bigger and more realistic goals and aspirations.
It has changed my body physically, but now I have a body that I am more confident and happier in. A body that has made me feel proud because I brought new life into this Earth, and have produced sustenance for my child. 
I am not ashamed to be a mother, and most especially, I am not ashamed that I am a stay-at-home-mom. Though I’m not financially contributing to my family (for now), I know I am enriching foundation for my son. To me, that is an accomplishment and something I am very proud of. I may be missing out on hanging out with my girlfriends, or the opportunity to finish graduate school before I turn 30. Or, seeing the Eiffel Tower or visiting Greece before 40, but, you what, there’s still plenty of time for that. It doesn’t have to be now, and that is A-okay. When the time comes, I get to celebrate the accomplishment of obtaining my masters degree and perhaps even celebrating that accomplishment in Europe. That sounds WAY better. 
I will never change my outlook on motherhood. I highly praise every mother, for the hard work, sacrifice, and dedication they bestow. I will never have doubts, regrets, or dissatisfaction. The Lord has brought me everything I need to fulfill my happiness. This is me, this is who I am, and what I love. 

the list continues…
And you know what? I wouldn’t change a damn thing.
Raise your hand if you agree.

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22 thoughts on “Redefining Myself Through Motherhood

  1. V. Nino says:

    This is beautiful, Danica! I can relate to much of what you said.

    It wasn't until I went back to work after years of being a SAHM that I realized being a mommy is my one true calling. When I went back to work, even though both of my girls were already in school and my son was not born yet, I missed being at home. I missed being the one to take my girls to school in the morning, going home and cleaning and cooking, preparing special after-school treats, picking them up from school and having the entire evening to spend with them. Since I was teaching, much of my work was brought home with me…as well as the stresses. I hated that feeling and the feeling of not having time to be 'present' with my children. In my heart I wished to be home again, or at least doing a job that I loved more and did not have to carry with me everywhere as I did being a teacher.

    Also, I was so sad to see that my girls had grown up right before my eyes. My heart ached so bad for them to be little again 🙂

    So you could imagine the surprise of finding out I was pregnant for the third time –ten years after I had my last child! Admittedly, my initial feelings were mixed. The thought of “starting all over” was daunting, but I knew desire of wanting to be home again came to fruition.

    Sometimes being a mother is the only thing I feel successful at. I supposed that is enough 🙂


  2. Danica R says:

    Thank you Vashelle. That is so great that you were able to experience being a SAHM and work right after. I'm hoping it is not going to be hard for me to go back in the work force. When I was working, my heart wasn't completely there. All day I thought about my son and if he was alright to the point it really stressed me out. So I knew being a SAHM was the right choice to do.

    I know how you feel about being a mother is the only thing you feel successful at. I feel the same way, even if it gets overwhelming sometimes. To me, it really is enough 🙂


  3. Maria from Collecting Moments says:

    You make some very profound points, and they're all true and very endearing. I used to have that same mentality about motherhood not defining me. But now that I have my daughter, it's a different story. I like the fact that motherhood defines me. And, like you, I don't mind missing a girl's night or not taking that trip to Europe because I'm experiencing something better: and that's witnessing my daughter grow up, and having a hand in what kind of woman she'll become. And in the end, that's what matters. Thank you for such an inspiring post!


  4. Sydney Andersen says:

    This was such a great read. There are so many articles out there saying don't let your kids define you and you need to be more than just a mom and I have so many friends that share that same feeling and I just don't feel the same. It is so great to know I'm not the only mom out there whose world revolves around her kids and that would pass up GNO to spend time with my boys any day. Thanks so much for letting me know I'm not alone 🙂


  5. Sara Strand says:

    I am seriously considering being a stay at home mom when Penelope is born (due May), not because I think I would love it, but because financially it doesn't make sense for me to work. With Matt working a LOT of hours, I can't count on him to be able to take a day off for a sick kid, doctor appointments, etc. Frankly, I'm worried I'm going to hate it. I knew with my other two I absolutely did NOT want to be a SAHM and I loved working. I'm really going to miss working, so we'll see. Fingers crossed.


  6. Danica R says:

    Witnessing our children grow is a priceless memory. Sometimes I wish I can slow down time so I can savor every part of my son's childhood. Thank you for taking the time to read my post!


  7. Danica R says:

    Not only are there many articles, there are also many people in our lives that tell us..But they are not in our shoes. You are not alone 🙂 Motherhood is tough, so we need to help one another out!


  8. Danica R says:

    I decided to be a SAHM because it was financially better. I felt as if I was working to just pay for daycare. Being a SAHM is not for all, I do miss working and sometimes having some quiet time when I'm work. It's hard to be home and care for a child and be a homemaker, But, It's worth it! I wish you luck!


  9. Jane H says:

    Great post Danica! I wouldn't trade being a mother for anything in the world! It's wonderful that you can stay home. There will be plenty of time for you when they leave the nest!(& believe me the years fly by way too quick)


  10. Mel - Melly Moments says:

    Awesome post! It's amazing how we perceive motherhood before actually taking part in it. I, too, set up so many guidelines I planned to adhere to….UNTIL I actually became a mom and realized that you adjust 🙂 Not everything goes as planned….and that's a good thing! I LOVE the list you created at the end…..I can think of a few things I would add for myself, but you hit the nail on the head with all of those….very cute and clever 🙂 My personal favorites are being a boo boo kisser and dramatic story teller!!!


  11. Danica R says:

    Thank you! I like that motherhood can be unpredictable and it's really quite an adventure. I'm still finding my niche as I go 🙂 It's funny how you have to be a dramatic story teller to really get them engaged!


  12. Quetzal says:

    This post really brought warmth to my heart… & to be honest it almost made me shed a couple of tears! Becoming a mom at 24 was a blessing, but also a great stage of confusion. From one day to another my whole life changed, & at times nothing completely makes sense… BUT I wouldn't trade my son & his father for the world!


  13. Danica R says:

    Adapting to change and redefining yourself throughout the years as a mother can be difficult. But the love for our family will never change. It's what make us moms so strong and resilient.


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